Maria's Musings

A Cat's Diary - Day ???

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded. Must try this at the top of  the stairs.

In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I  once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. Tomorrow I will try this on their bed.

A Letter to the Cats

 

A good friend saw this and decided to send it to me today (I can't think why?)

No copyright info was included so thanks to the author (whomever you are), although it could have been written by anyone who's owned by a cat or cats. 

Enjoy:

Dear Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.

Please note: Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

Cats with Attitude

A few thoughts from P.G. Wodehouse:

Cats, as a class, have never completely got over the snootiness caused by the fact that in Ancient Egypt they were worshipped as Gods.

P.G. Wodehouse (1881 - 1975)

A Cat's Diary - Escape Day

There is a saying that goes something like "The best laid plans of cats & mice..."

Unfortunately, today - which was due to be my big escape day - demonstrated how true that saying can be.

It started so well.  The plaintive miaows at the door, the sunny weather so they saw no harm in letting me out, him busy with his toys, her preening (as usual, honestly, they think us cats are bad!), so the moment I got out I wasted no time putting my plan into action....

A Cat's Diary - Day 762

I caught a mouse!  Fresh meat at last! 

Unfortunately, just as I'd got bored playing and was about to finish it off with a swift nip to the back of the neck, the female stopped me and held me back, forcing me to watch as the crafty beast scuttled off with a sly victory smirk as it went.

Cat's Diary - Day 761

I've noticed that humans can't wash themselves properly.  Their tongues are too smooth and too floppy - hopeless for cleaning.  Also, they are too stiff and disabled to reach the specially messy bits.

To get clean, they loll about in their own dirty water.  What on earth is that all about?!

The Cat's at it Again

Day 754:  Bliss! Today, I was stealthy enough to steal a piece of dead bird the female had left on a plate.  Sadly, I was discovered, but consider it a minor triumph that she cut off the chewed part and allowed me to eat it before ruining the remainder with foul-smelling powders and feeding it to her mate.

I'm not surprised I'm going insane.  Today, the realisation dawned that my captors are already quite, quite mad.  The female refuses to leave the house without marking its face with coloured pencils.  The male removes its face fur on a weekly basis, just as it's becoming slightly less repulsive.

Escape is now vital.  Fortunately, I am formulating a plan....

Found My Cat's Diary

Day 751: My captors continue to torment me with bizarre dangling objects.  They eat lavish meals in my presence while I am forced to subsist on dry cereal.  The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of eventual escape -- that, and the satisfaction I get from occasionally ruining some piece of their furniture. 

I fear I may be going insane.  Yesterday, I ate a houseplant. Tomorrow I may eat another.